Forethought

Forethought can be very challenging, especially for people who are neurodivergent. I struggled with this for a long time and was often stuck in the “What makes me feel good right now?" mindset. Sometimes that is okay. However, as I got to know myself better and learned about what made me feel overwhelmed and how much of something was too much I was able to have better forethought. Personally, I really enjoy spending time with people and I can only spend so much time with people before I get burned out and need a break. Being aware of this has helped me take more frequent breaks to increase the longevity of my socialization. 

Are you someone who often feels like you don’t have the energy to spend time with people or complete projects? If so, you may need a little forethought. Life is about practice, so it’s okay if you haven’t been able to think ahead before. The more you practice, the easier it will get. I do my best with forethought and sometimes I still don’t do it well enough and that is okay! Take it one day at a time.

First, I want you to think about what drains your energy and feels like a “chore” rather than being fun. This could be anything from socializing, cleaning, meal prep, or even getting out of bed. I'll use my personal experience with socialization as an example in this post. Whatever it is we are trying to accomplish, the first step I always do is a brain dump. You can do this on a white board, paper, a list on your phone, whatever works for you. In this brain dump, I want you to think about every piece of the overall project you need to do. This may seem overwhelming at first, but I don’t want you to worry because we will break it down. Here is an example of a brain dump if you are planning a BBQ.

• Make your invites (Generally, when we have a BBQ it is mostly the same group of friends and we invite people through text, messenger, or a Facebook event. We do this a couple of weeks to a month before we want to have the party.)

• Make a menu (You can also do potluck style which helps reduce the amount of cooking you need to do. When we have a BBQ we cook burgers and hotdogs, have a couple of sides, and others bring something to share as well.)

• Make a grocery list

  • Some things to think about would be are you going to wash plates and silverware or would you rather use paper plates and plastic silverware? We have a dishwasher so often we will use paper plates and regular silverware and glass cups.

• Go grocery shopping

• Cleaning/setting up the house & backyard:

  • Wash & put away dishes

  • Clean the bathroom

  • Vacuum

  • Pick up pillows/blankets

  • Pick up dog toys

  • Put away miscellaneous items

  • Set up chairs in the backyard

  • Set up the hammock

  • Put out trash and recycling can (this will make for easier clean up after the party)

  • Put out a cooler w/ drinks or ice and people can bring their own drinks

  • Corn hole or other yard games

  • Prep anything for food ahead of time that you can

If you can break down your project into smaller activities, that will reduce overwhelm and you will feel more organized. Remember, as you do this if you are starting to feel overwhelmed, take a break! You can also invite a friend or family member over to help you accomplish all of the steps if you need to. 

After you complete your brain dump, you will decide what you want to start with. For a party, the first piece is the invites and then it is up to you. Do you want to clean first and space it out over time? Maybe you want to clean one area of your house each day for a week; set a pace that feels right for you. As the party approaches, you can make your menu, grocery list, and do your shopping. The day before the party you can shop and prepare any foods that can be prepared ahead of time. This helps simplify the work for tomorrow. The day of the party is when you can set everything up and wait for people to arrive! 

While friends and family are at your house, listen to your body and what you need. Are you starting to feel tired and overwhelmed? Have you had water today? Have you eaten enough? Do you need a break? Do your best to enjoy yourself and have fun! 

Once the party is over, throw away the trash and bag up the recycling. You can then decide if you have the energy to wash any dishes today and pick up or is that something you want to do tomorrow? We often take a break after a party and then do the dishes. The following morning, we will pick up lawn chairs, games, etc. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to do this. It is about what works best for you! 

As you practice implementing forethought, it will get easier and your future self will thank you.